No, Not Now

Good lord I'm stressed out, but I'm not sure why. Things have been going relatively well...I have a real job now and they love me there and let me try new things so I don't get bored, there's money in the bank, and it turns out I'm not likely to die from sudden heart failure.

I think my stress must be coming form things in the recent past...mixed feelings about how some things ended, or rather didn't really at all. It's also given me a feeling of "back to square one", and to be honest square one is tiring and boring lonely and not at all where I want to be anymore.

I still believe everything happens for a reason, at least for me anyway. My life has been an ever-recurring number of "coincidence", and while I know I have ultimate control over what happens to me, as do we all, the universe is still going to try to piece things together....I can feel it, hence the name of this blog, I can always feel it....just sometimes I know the next "big thing" is actually somewhat far away.

I know it's all about the journey, not the destination, so stop with that advice right there...my thing is mostly about getting closer to 30 more than anything I suspect...and yes I know also that 30 is the new 23 or whatever the hell "They" say nowadays, but I've never been young at heart have I? 30 for Lee is 30 as it used to be. Plus to be honest, this weird feeling I'm not destined to live to a ripe old age is somewhat freaky as well. Don't knock it, I remember after 9/11 reading about a guy who died that day, and his whole life he was convinced he'd never live past 36, told everyone he knew all about the feeling....then died at 36. Now maybe that's just a "coincidence" as well, but that guy knew his shit I say.

OK, enough crazy rambling. Seems as if this thing may go back to being my personal mental health provider. Which is fine for me, but I know it freaked some out - reading all this personal stuff I mean. I'm fine with it, eat it up people.

I tried the personal journal too...that didn't take as well. Might have to do with having to write with the left hand and having the coils in my way haha....that killed the "romance" right there. Man, I like putting words in quotes tonight don't I? I'm too post-modern for my own good, just not comfortable taking ownership of my own words I suppose. It's the sign of the times I suppose....everything is "like"....it never just is.

...but of course if you hear me say "like" more than three times in a sentence, feel free to try to kick my ass.

Adios.