I Know It's Over

Man, what a crazy past couple months. Some good things, some not so great. About a year ago I began to think I knew what was going to happen, and could see my future opening up in front of me, and that I could see who was going to come along for the ride with me....I actually felt like I was in control, despite the fact that fate was definitely helping things along, now however...

I'm absolutely lost on the relationship front, but this time it's hit a bit harder, as there was a time I felt I knew what was going to happen, and that it was actually going to work for once. Now I'm just not up for anything at all, which I have felt once before...and kept me out of "the game" for quite some time....I guess I don't take broken relationships too well regardless of the cause, it's all sad really.

Then there's the heart murmur that had me on edge, and still does to be honest. At least I know my heart itself is fine, but knowing that it decided at one point to stop working normally doesn't make it any easier to sleep at night, even if they say it's fine.

The good stuff would more or less be tied into the job. I tried for months to get on with UPS more for the hours and location, and it finally happened when I least expected it. It's good to have job security and to be able to finally get some savings started....especially since at one point I was convinced I would need to start saving for a family, in fact it still feels weird to realize I can spend cash on myself, since I was in such a mindset of needing to save up for the future. Still a good mindset to have don't get me wrong, but sometimes realizing I can spend money on myself now still makes me somewhat sad.

Dad finally left for Alberta, this time for good. One less reason to be chained to back home I suppose. I wanted to go visit before they left, but it wasn't to be. As Ian said, this time he's not coming back, and I can't say I blame him. Nova Scotia is a great place, but more and more it makes me sad....too much bad energy in it for my liking...too many ghosts.

It's not as bad as it seems though, so no pep talks please haha. Life just chucked me a curveball, as it does for everyone from time to time. All I can hope is that in five years everything that has and would have happened over the past year will make more sense, because right now I'm quite tired and confused from it all.

I guess this is what happens when you give up control of life/emotions and go with the flow...one crazy rollercoaster....

Lates.