Across The Universe

I've been feeling some compulsion to write something on here like I used to....but lately I've just been, well, not feeling it. I know part of it is that I now no longer keep everything secret...haha....been a while since I spilled my guts on a regular basis to a real human being, and it's affecting my creative writing hobby aka "The Blog" haha. It's still better that way for my sanity though I bet, more like a normal person now I suppose, inside of just internalizing everything and becoming disconnected from everything around me. God, thinking about it now, that was so unhealthy. Isolating myself out of fear of trusting people - so stupid, what a bunch of wasted time that was.

Speaking of fear, I'm about to once again step off into the unknown. I'll be here in Halifax more or less for only a week or so I hope. I realized walking to my exam yesterday morning how much I'll miss this place. The years here went by so fast, I never noticed I had been here so long - especially this Allan St. neighbourhood....I actually have (had) a neighbourhood....it might not seem like much to some, but as someone who moved a lot and had a lot of uncertainty in his home life, it really felt good to have some stability. Realizing this is exactly what made me sad yesterday...I was in a bit of a rut yes, but I was also at the same time in my home - one that I made all by myself.

At the same time though - here's to new beginnings kids...going to enjoy having the ability to do this while I can....soon it may be I'll have settled into something that won't be as easy to leave or change, so here's goes nothing....haha.

It's too bad my last remaining days in Halifax are going to have a cloud over them.....specifically I'm thinking of Melissa and what happened to her at work. I can handle things happening to myself, I've had knives in my face, and big guys with poor attitudes and gangs of mouthy kids pushing me and I've dealt with that all...but when something like that happens to someone else, I just get some sick to my stomach....I really wish it hadn't have happened....just the thought of that situation having gone wrong, as it has for people in the past who you hear about in the news, through ancedotes, whatever....ugh.

Part of me feels bad for leaving at this time too....I already felt like I was abandoning friends and family already - not like I really am, but I think too much and got it into my head that I was.....but stuff like this....oh well....that's life....sometimes it rocks, othertimes it can really get you down.

Regardless of this seriousness - which is really not in my nature as most of you are probably way too aware of haha - I feel like I'm making all the right decisions...why I don't know yet, but this feels like the right thing to do. I guess that's the best I can hope for....

I have no expectations....all about the journey, not the destination right? Guess I just feel like taking this turn I see up ahead of me.....here it comes....