Don't Ask

Feeling so emo right now....funny how that became a verb without anyone noticing it was happening. No emo music for me though, feel more like some sad ass crying in the beer alt-country....or right now a melancholy song by The Replacements will do too.

I've determined this is probably one of the hardest times I'll have in my life. I can see it becoming such. So now the question becomes, run and hide? Or stay and tough it out? Honestly, I'm all for toughing it out, because I know what will result eventually will also become one of the happiest moments of my life. But sometimes, wow, like right now, I just want to quit. I guess this is it, do I have the courage of my convictions? Or am I just going to run like I promised I wouldn't no matter what happened.

Also, don't blame her. The situation is just that tough, that neither of us have any answers here. I'm more in the frame of mind of knowing what I want, but she's not and I need to respect that...and so do you. That wasn't directed to anyone in particular, but I know what people say. Hell, she told me what they would all say haha...so you've all been beat to it, know it all already. Plus, come on people, everyone changes (oh man I typed two 'c's there with changes...too much David Bowie...does he have any sad alt-country?)

Besides...I have the luxury of choice in all of this, she didn't. It takes more time to resolve what you can't control.

So is all of this to theoretical "you', or to help me calm down a bit? Who knows, all pysch students line up to the right and begin your diagnosis. It better be pro bono however, not paying students to warp my mind just like I 'm not paying the students at the Barber College to mangle my hair.

Where was I going with that? I'm somewhat out of my mind...understandable all things considered really. The trick is, maintain, focus, one day at a time, and shut out everyone who drives you nuts haha. Really though, I don't 'talk it out' and if you know me, you'll know I'll just squirm as I get asked if "I'm OK" and 'How are things today?'....oh and the best...'did you talk to her today?'. Man, I hate that one. That one is probably the worst. Everyone please stop asking.

I think I'll tattoo "Don't Ask" on my forehead so everyone will know what to do....actually they'll just be confused and think I put that there to stop questions concerning my new forehead tattoo....cosmic, one creates the other, but why make the first one in that case? See, this is how I distract myself. I sound high right? Not even close, just sick with sadness. Depression is probably more like it. It'll pass. All part of the game, a game I might add I refused to play for years and got angry with myself for not playing....just check the archives on this badboy...I brought this on myself.

I made my bed, and I'll lie in it thanks. No pity, I hate that, and no being pushy to make me happy, I think I may hate that more...not sure yet...do either, and you'll get bit though haha..I laugh, but yeah, I'm pissy for sure.

Adios.