Zero Hour

Just a quickie before work...Trying to distract myself from the fact that it's "zero hour". If you know what I mean, great, if you don't, don't feel bad, I've been sworn to secrecy and I rock at keeping secrets.

So right now I'm basically a ball of nerves, meaning I'm a wreck. Alternating between being tired but not able to sleep, to being exhausted and finding it hard to stay awake...to just being way to wired with nervous energy. I'm also losing my appetite a lot, but I've been making sure I'm eating. I know huh? WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT???? Sorry, I really am, but it's just not coming out of me.

I know I'm ready for what could happen though. I've had plenty of time to prepare myself mentally, and I'm definitely up to the challenge. Now I'm just afraid it won't happen...that's actually what scares me the most more than anything else. Such an odd situation...but knowing my life, and it's "tragic happiness", I know it's how it's meant to be. Everything good has to be touched by something horrible, but I'm coming to terms with that...

And a note to those trying to determine what I mean, well, I'm keeping it a secret so that if things don't happen as I want, I'll never have to worry about it coming up in casual conversation, because no one knows to begin with. Gotta look out for number 1 here...

Adios.

P.S. I don't foresee me doing anything for my birthday, sorry to all who were counting on dragging me out. I'm just not in the mood and I'd be terrible company I know it already. Thanks for thinking of me though.