So This Is How It Has To Be

So, hello again everyone. Been quite the past few days really, in terms of how dramatically my life seems to want to turn, how dramatically I'm wanting it to turn...just the waiting, oh the waiting. One day at a time is good, but man, the waiting...

So, most of you who read this and know me personally are aware of what's been going on in my life at this point I suspect. So I'm not going into specifics, or how I feel about it, all this, that's between Mandy and myself, she's the only one I'll be open with this...don't feel bad, it doesn't mean I hate you, it's just that understandably, this is our business not yours, give us some space.

Additionally, not to be a dick here, and keep in mind I never was the entire time, but my keeping away from everyone, as I have all last summer and and autumn, is due to the fact that I need, we need, time to deal with this. We both took the time to personally deal with it apart from each other, which in turn is another reason I'm withdrawn, I'm only comfortable talking to her, and since talking to others isn't an option, and neither is pretending it's not happening, I'd rather just hide out like a hermit until I feel better about the situation. It's nothing personal to anyone, but honestly, if anyone does take it personally after all this explanation, that's your problem not mine, please understand, things are bad enough without you bringing your problems to me. Selfish maybe, but remember all, I'm the one you told your problems to for years in the case of some of my older friends. and it's payback time on that. Just be happy I'm not calling you crying at 3AM or sitting on your couch sulkingly (spellcheck claims this is not a word, I'm using it anyway, fuck spellcheck, it just doesn't understand)all day and night (not that anyone did this to me, but I understand that people do this sort of stuff in times of real stress.)

Just know that I'm either about to enter the happiest time of my life, or the what will be one of the most devastating...I honestly don't know right now how things will develop, all I know is how I want them to. If we can have the patience to find it out for ourselves, all I ask is the same.

Thanks, I really appreciate it, and the offers for talking it out and all that are appreciated, just know that I'm not that type of guy. I may have moments where I track down a trusted ear and let them have it, so stay close, it could happen.

Lee