Starting To Scare Myself

Well, as the above title suggests, I freaked myself out. Don't ask me how I got thinking about this, because I can't even remember, but somehow I started to wonder what it would be like to be married with children, and it DIDN'T scare me, which in turn scared me. I think I must be getting old. Maybe it's because I am now at the age my parents were when they had me, and even then they had been married for five years. I knew I'd never do what they did, marry young that is, and even a year ago I'd say that I still had no intention on doing so, but now....yikes. I guess now that I'm done my degree I have no more excuses, sometimes I wonder if that's why I went back to school-as an excuse not to grow up.

I think the fact that 30 isn't as far away as it once was has got me spooked. I'm sure life doesn't end at 30, but still, I feel sometimes like maybe I squandered some time since high school. I guess waking up now rather than later is a blessing, as I have 4 years and change to get myself where I want to be I guess. Who knew, I am one of those freaks who looks forward to settling down...we always make fun of that guy, and here I am, slowly realizing I have become that guy. Wow. I still can't remember how I got thinking about this yet either....spooky.

How's that quote go, the Aerosmith line that Grace wrote in my high school yearbook? "Life is a journey, not a destination." I don't like Aerosmith, but that line is genius. Those people who say stuff like they never want to settle down at some point are fooling themselves into thinking that their free will can determine the destination-but there isn't one, that's the point!. I'm sorry if this is a bit esoteric, it's a personal reference to a conversation I had with someone recently is all. I have come to the realization that being a regular human being still means you are a complete success, some people get mistaken into thinking that if you aren't a household name then you have failed, I sooooo disagree with that. There's a quote by Rose Kennedy that I can't really remember, but the message of it is that she felt she was more of a success by living her life as she had and raising a successful son, then she would have ever been had she been a famous painter, or writer, or whatever, you get the point. That's a wise view. I'm glad I can appreciate it now at 25, rather than waiting until I am the age she was when she said it.

I mean, can you believe it, I never even played the "baby-name" game that everyone else I know has-and I'm older than most of my friends too. All my friends have their baby's names picked out, and I have never even thought of it-except for the fact that I have toyed with using my sister's name, but I'm still not sure on that one.

You are freaking out.....man!


Edit: I added this a few hours later, it's just some deal I filled out that was on my MSN homepage. Figured what the hell...I find these things sometimes do a good job of describing me, but is that because they're accurate, or do I copy them to make it so? :P


Aquarius

Element: Air

Mode: Fixed

Ruler: Uranus

Color: Electric Blue, Violet, Gray-green

Famous Aquarians:
Sir Francis Bacon, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Placido Domingo, Mia Farrow, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Galileo Galilei, Barbara Hershey, Abraham Lincoln, James Michener, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Paul Newman, Norman Rockwell, Jules Verne, Oprah Winfrey, Virginia Woolf

Strengths:
Adventurous, curious, flexible, idealistic, humanitarian, independent, innovative, intuitive, loyal, original, resourceful, sociable, spontaneous

Weaknesses:
Eccentric, inaccessible, inconsistent, intolerant, peculiar, quixotic, radical, rebellious, scattered, unpredictable, unrealistic

Aquarius, the eleventh of the zodiac, is considered the sign of perspective, the future, and new projects. The water bearer symbolizes intellectual development through communication and innovation. Of all signs, you are the most idealistic and humanitarian, with a strong sense of community and fraternity. Your ruler Uranus, the planet of change and revolution, represents originality and a strong drive for adventure and freedom. Uranus is also called the rebel planet, and its energy is radical, sudden, and unpredictable.

Aquarius is the third of the three air signs, which means that your intellectuality is expressed as an intuitive grasp of universal principles, along with a concern for the universal wellbeing of humanity.

Aquarius rules the eleventh house of the chart, Lee, the sector associated with friends and groups, intellectual pleasures, socializing, and attitude toward society. However, it also describes personal hopes and wishes, as well as collective trends and humanitarian issues.

Yours is a fixed sign, which means that you resist manipulative behavior. You form your own opinion, however unusual it may be, and refuse to adapt. If someone dares to push, pull, or pressure you, they will definitely get to know your stubborn and eccentric side.



Finesse and elegance are what best describes you, Lee. You are Libra Rising, a person of excellent taste. You charm people with your sense of tact and diplomacy in the private, social, or professional world. Your actions express beauty and grace, along with discipline, sternness, and a strong sense of integrity. Your manners are very civilized, and most of the time, you display an even-tempered and composed attitude.

You are far from being a solitary person, Lee, because you enhance your individuality through cooperation with other people. Your strongest virtue is your ability to see any matter from the viewpoint of those you are dealing with. You are a great communicator, and need interaction with others that help you along in your own spiritual quest. Therefore, your relationships are not superficial - they are whole and well balanced.

Professionally speaking, you excel in any kind of partnerships and associations, Lee, because you are an excellent mediator and diplomat, who has an innate sense of justice. This naturally inspires the respect, and the trust of the people you are in contact with. Since you detest conflict, you are always able to find a common ground that satisfies all parties involved, and are likely to work out compromises to save personal relationships