Movin' On Up

Here we are in the reflective mood again, and with some free time-must mean time to blog. To think I almost deleted this because of some embarassing stuff I wrote.

Been a busy couple of days-as far as my thinking goes. Not really sure what I want at the moment either, but I am sure I wanta change. I've been too comfortable the past years, and I got myself stuck inside a rut and never noticed. Don't get me wrong, I accomplished quite a bit in this rut-I earned a BA in this rut, but it came at a bit of a cost I've now realized. I guess the past week or so has woken me up a bit and made me realize that I should have made a change sometime ago, but was too comfortable in my routine to do it. I mean, I once almost, on a whim, joined an international development group just to get out of the country-(even then the only thing that kept me from doing so was the age restriction), and now here I am, effectively being a pussy, whatever happened to that guy? Boo to this.

I'm beginning to think, that after this school year, I will put the economics degree on hold. My head hasn't been into school since I started again in September. God knows I don't want to go back to the minimum wage crap I was doing before though either. Maybe it's time to get creative and see if my BA can get me something I want to do for a few years, and possibly someplace else, but who knows-let's just say that Halifax sometimes bores me, and a change of scenery à la the stay in Ottawa in '99 is in order-nothing permanent, just a change while I'm still young enough to really enjoy it the way I would like to. Think of it as a sabbatical I guess.

Hmmm, maybe I'm just being rash, but I think this may the thing to do. Stagnating is the worst feeling ever-to feel like you're constantly getting older, but nothing ever changes.....like pissing away the future....brutal. Feeling bad about something is a hell of a motivator though isn't it? That's why I always say I appreciate everything-including the times where you feel super-shitty about something. I mean-fuck yeah! You're alive-feel like crap, that's how you know when the good times are on. Frankly, feeling awesome all the time would absolutely blow-I think that's when I'd do myself in, not when I feel bad. You can always get up and go when you feel bad. Oh well, no one ever feels great all the time anyway-regardless of what they claim. What's that line from "24 Hour Party People"? The wheel of life that lifts you up, but eventually has to cast you back down into the darkness on occasion due to it's own cyclical nature. (Good movie-I highly recommend it-especially if your a fan of anything that has come out of the Manchester music scene from the late '70s to the '90s)

Incidently, if anyone is reading this and feeling some type of responsibilty for my current mood, please don't. I've been building up towards this for a few months now, but I''m just now realizing that it was happening at all. So, I guess what I'll do now is weigh my options, make some tentative plans, continue with all my current responsibilities with the same intensity I've always given them, and occasionally post on my blog to see my mind typed out in front of me and to see if I agree with my thinking. à bièntôt.