Am I Here Again?

Well, it's official, I spend too much time on my computer. How am I posting again? ahhh....at least I know that tomorrow night I'll be out actually having fun for a change....fiouff (Hahaha..Didn't know when I'd get the chance to use that word...long story, don't ask...)

So, I'm here typing, with little to no actual sleep in a couple days. I managed to get sucker-punched by my old friend insomnia last night...if only it meant that you just weren't tired...instead, I'm exhausted, but cannot sleep at all...one of the human body's cruel jokes...although tame compared to some of it's REAL nasty jokes I can assure you, but I won't get into that...I don't need more stress dragging those memories up. Basically, the insomnia comes from not being able to shut my brain up long enough to get to sleep. I've been quite successful the past couple years keeping it from occuring through stress-relief exercises, meditation, and good old pot-I have pretty much done away with that last one, and the other two? Let's just say I've been a bit lax towards those as well, so I guess I should have seen it coming huh? The problem with those first two methods was that I was really becoming detached from everything/everyone around me, which is great if you're a monk or a complete narcissist, but I neither am nor want to be either. I guess this is the "withdrawl" side to leaving that stuff and living your own life a bit more in the here-and-now. Wow, I'm tired..uh...

Mindy says that insomnia is a symptom of an emotional disturbance...I played it off like no big thing, but yeah, that's what happens when you decide to actually live like the rest of the human beings on the planet-I just forgot how tiring it was to play the game is all. That trip down south come spring break is looking better and better...I've been struck too with the feeling that it has some larger meaning, since it came out of nowhere quite literally...guess I'll see when it happens. Sometimes I like to believe that the universe "pushes" you towards...what...I don't know-harmony? Some cosmic aspect I guess?...frig, I'm tired aren't I? It's been my opinion for a while that life is 50/50-half fate, half free will. Call me a fence-sitter all you want, but it just makes sense to me. There is some purpose, but our own actions can really mess up karma when we go against them, but that's just one man's opinion here-or should that read "one boy's?", since I have doubts on that quite often. (I'm not going there either...)

Holy crap, existenial melodrama in the house! Go to sleep you freak! I'm too restless....waiting for something to happen and all, right? By the way, anyone who missed the post from yesterday, it gives the route to my new indulgence in ego/superego/id-exploration...don't ask me what that means...I'm going to bed. Bonne nuit.


P.S. I have a site set up now for photos, so far it's only got photos I have stolen from various friends' sites, but that should change eventually.... http://www.flickr.com/photos/leestephenprall/ -For the photos, and ... http://www.flickr.com/people/leestephenprall/ For my profile. Enjoy!